Davide Butson-Fiori

No Pregnancy, and I wait

On August 12th I found out that the IVF was not successful and there is no pregnancy this time around,  I will have to wait another 30 days until we do it again. This is the 5th attempt and definitely not the last, I am hanging in there however it is harder and harder to deal with the time. But I must say there was less emotion when I heard I wasn't pregnant, I guess after hearing over and over the bad news you just become used to it. I wanted to be down and emotional, but instead a little voice in my head just said clearly, "we will just try again".

And now like I have said so many times before, it is now just a waiting game until next time. But as I wait I hear more and more about friends having babies and getting pregnant, just yesterday I read that Neil Patrick Harris and his partner are expecting twins. I gotta say it's great to hear of their impending parenthood, and at the same time a twinge of jealousy and sadness. But again, the voice in my head says "we will try again, it's just a matter of time". And I sit back and busy myself and wait, wait until the moment that I am holding my child in my arms.

New beginnings

The process to me becoming a father began again on Wednesday July 28th, four embryo's were implanted in the Surrogate for my fifth attempt. The week started with great news, twenty eggs were retrieved from the egg donor and fertilized with my sperm. And Wednesday the implanting and the remaining 14 were frozen for future use, hopefully these will not be needed until a second child is needed to complete my family.

I hesitated this time starting at the beginning of this process, choosing the donor, waiting for the donor to be ready for retrieval etc. I have been apprehensive about moving too fast into the future with hope and excitement, however the need to share is still there and here I am telling all of you about this New Beginning.

Please say a prayer and keep me in your thoughts, a test to determine a pregnancy will be near the 14th of August. A post here on my blog will be forthwith as soon as I hear something, until then, stay tuned.

All my love,

Davide

Another Loss, Another setback

I don't know how to start this email except with the plain fact, the surrogate has had a miscarriage of the fetus at 16.5 weeks. I am devastated to say the least, sad to know that a life with fingers, toes, heart and fingerprints, is lost.

Today was the day the doctor was to do the amniosentesis, this was to tell me if the fetus had downs syndrome or other abnormalities. In two weeks I would know if there was a problem, then if there was I would have to make a decision. However after the sonogram there was no heartbeat to be found, then lots of bleeding and then the miscarriage. It is like the body has decided that the fetus was not healthy enough so it let it go, like it just was not meant to be. If I think this way it takes away a bit of the pain of the loss, because if there was something wrong with the fetus I would have had an awful time deciding to keep or to let the baby go. For me this might have been a blessing, I hate to think that but maybe it was for the best.

I don't know where to go from here, I do know that I will still have a child. However I am not sure if I will continue with the two frozen embryo's from the donor I used the first four attempts. I may use another egg donor, I will consider all my options. I am blessed with the gift of options, something I never imagined before. I am determined more then ever to become a father, it may take longer and be more painful then I every dreamed but I will not be deterred from my goal of having children.

So stay tuned and with your support and your love I will have the gift of life, and it will be perfect in its own time. Thank you all, I love you so very much.

My Journey Begins...

I am beginning this journal to document my journey to Fatherhood, which began I suspect a long time ago. I remember speaking to my girl friends and telling them of my desire for a child as early as 19 years old, her name was Terry and we were going to have a baby together if she never married. This of course happened another four or five times and each one of them in time married, and here I sit.

Well it is now twenty-five years later and my journey begins now, this summer I actually began to put things in motion. In other words i started to do a bit of homework, first on the internet, the surrogacy agencies, the clinics, the surrogacy classified boards, the friends and family. All of which I will share in this new Blog, so please join me on this trip to me becoming a father. Join my blog and witness my progress, my set backs and my pain and my joy. I look forward to your support and your insight, I hope i too will be here for anyone else that will need support and some insight. I have learned a lot just in these past six months and may have some answers to help you along your way.

Thanks for reading and keep coming back.

Love Davide