Davide Butson-Fiori

Six days and counting.

It's been 52 feedings and six days in the life of Evelyn Anne, she has gone from losing weight the first day to gaining weight each day after. We were in the hospital for the first five days until she gained weight steadily, it was so nice to finally move into a hotel. I was getting tired of the dark room that was the hospital, although the staff was brilliant and they took good care of Evie. They were all impressed with my ability to take care of Evie, to tell you the truth so was I. I decided to forgoe a nanny for the remainder of my stay, although an hour and a half each day I head out to the gym and one of the SA girls (Uma, Vandana, Omana and Kovita) take watch and have been my guardian angels this past week.

Evie is still smaller then I had expected, but so much more then I expected. Firstly, the feedings, every two hours and when I am lucky she sleeps for three hours now. She eats slowly most times, taking nearly an hour to down 30-50ml. If she does stay asleep for three hours her feeding goes much quicker, and her formula ends up on her instead of in her if she gets too far ahead of herself.

Secondly, the diaper gifts have gone from a black sludge to a yellow mousse looking mess, this comes usually while I am feeding her. It also comes with some of the cutest faces I have ever seen, I never really thought of this when I was dreaming of having a child. It still amazes me that she is mine, it is so unbelieveable really.

Born May 10, 2011

 

Welcome to the world, my Daughter: Evelyn Anne Jai Butson-Fiori at 10:20 am May 10th. She weighed 2,365 grams or just over five pounds. Evie is the tiniest little thing I have ever seen, so delicate and so lovely. It is amazing how much my life has changed these past 24 hours, it was just 36 hours ago I was trying to fall asleep.

It was Monday evening, I had just had my dinner with Dr. Samit (who would be the one to deliver Evie) and his collegues Anjani and Sai. I returned to my hotel room and began going about my routine, flossing, brushing my teeth and washing my face. I then retired to the bed and made a few last minute skypes to Thomas and attempted to reach a few others. I proceeded to watch T.V. to make the time go by and make me a bit sleepy, they were running a repeat of a Family Guy, Ironic as I would soon become a family guy. I just hope I am not as moronic as Peter and my child won't end up like the unloved and unwanted Meg. No chance of that happening with Evie, I then shut the T.V. off and went to sleep.

I hadn't been feeling well during the day, I had burning heart burn and just thought it was the spicy food and the few too many espresso's. I took some medication and that didn't help, I still managed to fall asleep. However at 5:22am to be precise I awoke with the worst headache and indegestion I have had in a long time. I drank some water to put out the fire that was in my stomach and in my throat, and took an asprin to aleviate my throbbing headache. I tried in vain to drift off, finally around 6:30 I fell asleep and my headache had been reduced to a dull pound.

The alarm went off at 7:30 am, just an hour after my fitfull fall to a very short rest. Even though I new it was a very important day I hit the snooze, ten minutes later the alarm went off and I sprang outta bed in a panic because at that very moment the alarm went off I was dreaming of missing my daughters birth. I jumped out of bed so fast and was so paniked that my head started its deep bass pounding, I took another asprin and jumped in a very warm shower.

With all that was going on I was relatively calm, I went downstairs and had breakfast and an espresso. The coffee had a very soothing effect on my headache, It might have been because my regular six shots a day had been reduced to two. And that my friend, wasn't cutting it for this caffeine addict, something that I should cut back on now that I have a child.

I then went back upstairs, made sure I had my camera and a shirt that would easily come off so I can have my new born child on my chest as soon as possible. The bonding of a father is very important to a new born, especially when there is no mother to be breastfeeding. I wanted my child to smell my scent, and feel the warmth of my flesh so that she will feel connected to someone.

Once I had all the essentials I made my way down to the lobby to await my ride to the hospital, I waited and it was getting closer to ten o'clock and I was getting nervous. I called the driver and he said he was two minutes away, once he arrived i asked him to go as fast as he could. It's India, so you could imagine the traffic, it seems as if they have no laws when it comes to the streets. Or no one abides by them, they don't even have lines in the road, everyone: car, person, tuk tuk, bike and motorcyle jockies for the best position and honks to make sure no one collides into each other.

We arrived at the hospital and I ran upstairs to the third floor to the operating room, as I turned the corner the doctor was coming out of the operating room and he said with that calm smile Dr. Samit always has: "Congratulations Davide, you have a baby girl." I was in shock, and speechless. I watched as they cleaned, outside and inside my very little girl. The nurses obviously had done this before, Evie was handled expertly from side to side, upside down, upright and a myriad of other positions. Suction, needles, clamping and trimming (umbilical cord) It was like a well rehearsed puppet show, and Evie was the delicate marionette.

After getting over the shock, each moment passed like an eternity, and each moment that passed the depth of what was taking place was hitting me. Slowly at first and then when she was in my arms the enormity of what was my future and my responsibility started to make appearances in the video I was forming in my mind to play back at a later date. I tried to be present to her, to the precious gift that was breathing and sighing on my chest. I started to edit the video in my mind with a voice over saying, "she is so small", "I hope I can do this".

It wasn't until they asked me if I wanted to give her the first feed of her life that all that editing and re-writing of my precious minds-eye memory video vanished, I just took Evie in my hands, sat her up and introduced a bottle to her lips. As soon as she began to drink, I said "I got this".

It's been exactly 12 feeds later, 9 diaper changes and I am elated. I do have this, I have no idea how it came about. I have never changed a diaper in my life, I have never fed a child in my life. But I got this and I got it good. She is amazing, I have to wake her up for feedings or she would just sleep. If she does cry, I pick her up and it stops. Her cries are musical, I am serious, they are looked forward to not like the cries you wish would stop when flying 30,000 feet in the air on a 12 hour flight cries. This is beyond what I would have expected, I have to say I didn't cry when I first held her. I only cried when she woke me up at 3:30am and I picked her up and she stopped and looked up at me and then slowly closed her eyes again as if to say "great, I was wondering where you were".

I am still scared outta my mind I might break her, do the wrong thing or just plain screw it all up. But I love this tiny little girl, more than I could ever imagined.

....I GOT THIS!

Everything is possible

I am now lying on my bed in a hotel in Hyderabad, India, it's midnight and in just 10 hours I will be holding a newborn child in my arms. The most amazing thing is that it will be my biological child, a gift I thought I would never have. I know I keep saying this but I didn't have much going for me, I am gay, I was a single man, I had no uterus, I was over forty and, and, and. So many reasons that I thought I could never have a child, however, there was this word I have come to love and to cherish...Possibility.

Everything is possible, I have heard that many times in my life. Did I truly believe it? I don't think I did, it may have been my adolescent insecurities, my upbringing or Greg Eaton and his constant bullying. It could have been a lot of things. When I truly understood the power of this word, my world shifted, it changed, I changed. The first thing I did when I learned the power of possiblility was to quit smoking, then it was to become a triathlete, move to Japan, become a trainer, start my own business and then having my own child.

All of these things were created by me and that little word possibility, as soon as I understood there was possibility in everything I just started looking into the possibility. It is the actually doing that creates possibility, if there is something you truly want and you start to make it happen it will generally happen. So remember there is no possibility if you don't believe it is possible. So believe, it is. Look at me, Im going to be a dad in ten hours.

If there is something you want, go out there and get it.

The time has come

This morning I awoke to my iphone ringing at 7:30am, as I usually do I hit the snooze. The second time it rang I thought maybe I need to get this day started, so I got up and got myself ready. This was the day I had been looking forward to, this was the day to meet with the doctor to get briefed on the condition of the surrogate and my child.

During breakfast I ran into Benhur (Surrogacy Abroad), it was great to catch up with the man who helped me to this point in my journey. It was a brief meeting as he was off to help another intended in another part of the world. I left the restaurant and met Ben's team in the lobby, they then took me for a coffee, a much needed shot of espresso to get my heart racing even faster then it already was. After the black elixir we made our way to Kiran Infertility Center to meet with Dr. Samit, I arrived at the clinic and was asked to sit in the doctors office and await his arrival.

I sat there making sure my iphone was off, the sign in the waiting room clearly stated to turn of your ringer. After making sure that was done I looked for a pen and pad of paper, I thought this might be a good idea as I may need to take some notes. Dr. Samit arrived with his usual calm smile and handsome good looks in scrubs, as he sat down at the desk I looked just over his shoulder at the images in picture frames of his mother and the team that will be bringing my child into this world.

As I was thinking of the people involved Dr. Samit started to speak, he said, "Your arrival is in perfect timing, the surrogate started to dialate and the C-section is scheduled for 10am tomorrow morning". I started to speak before really hearing what he said, I thought that it was a preface before he told me what was up with the surrogate or some other formality. However I was wrong, it was his calm delivery that threw me. But then there was that handsome smile followed by eye contact that it sunk in,"I am having a child tommorrow morning? I said. I guess I won't need to take any notes, I put the pencil and paper back in my bag wihout even thinking.

There it is, without fanfare, without fireworks. Just a very calm Dr. saying a few words like he says them everyday of his life. "We have scheduled the C-section for 10am tomorrow" Wow, May 10th a child will be born to me, David Butson...a dad...tomorrow. So there it is everyone, I am going to be a dad at 10ish on May 10th, 2011. Forever changing my life and Thomas's life, a family, finally. Thank God, the time has come.

 

Dr. Samit from Kiran Infertility Clinic, and the Dad to be

India Bound, Father-to-be

I left Hong Kong yesterday at 2pm, I arrived in India at 10pm. The day started 3.5 years ago with a life long desire for a child of my own, a signed contract and my first visit to India on this journey. Since that first trip, I have seen six attempts and two miscarriages. This trip is to see the birth of my child and to bring him/her home, this is the next chapter in my journey.

The day started out like most days these days, I awoke next to the best thing to ever happen to me before the birth of my child. His name is Thomas, i met him ironically nearly nine months ago. I now have someone to share and complete my dream family, I never thought I would have both. I really can not believe my blessing at this moment, I feel something or someone has had this plan for me all along.

I can also add to this new friends and old friends that also make me pinch myself knowing that they are part of my life, the only thing that would make this better would be having my mother here to share it with.

I digress, I awoke to another lovely morning, with Thomas making pancakes and a very large iced latte. Who could ask for anything more? However there was something very different, it was the morning I had been waiting for what seems like a lifetime. Some people say that the closer it gets to the birthdate it gets faster and faster, I have not had this welcomed feeling. The time has slowed down so much that it actually felt like time was reversing, there were a number of times I checked the clock and it read as if an hour passed but only 10 minutes went by. I am still waiting for the time to spead up, but for the first time I have slowed down to think about what is happening to me.

I have been wanting a child for a very long time, I have thought of all the wonderful things I will feel and we will do. However this morning is the first time I had a dream of the other reality, my life will change forever from what it was. I will no longer be traveling by myself, a walk through the airport alone after Tom and Steve saw me off brought this straight home to me.

I am ahead of myself here, let's go back to the apartment before I head of to the airport. After a great breakfast, I made sure I was all packed. I checked all the baby stuff I needed to pack, this was a lot of fun. All the little tiny clothing and blankets etc. gifts from friends and hours of shopping for what I thought this little one will need when we first meet. Then it was time for packing my things, this was not as exciting, actually I didn't put too much thought into what I was wearing this trip. It was all about room for the baby stuff, so I brought t-shirts, jeans and needed under things. I definately am not going to be a fashion plate in India, it's all about the baby not his/her daddy.

With everthing packed, Thomas and I took a last look at the house and my garden. Everthing was a bloom, it is spring afterall but what a metaphor for my trip and this very speacial time in both Thomas's and my life. We descended the stairs and dragged the bags down the street in search of a cab, alas, there was not a cab to be found. There were people lining the streets on both sides with their arms in the air, with nothing noticing or stopping.

I was not going to miss this plane or let anythig stop me from getting on this train on time, so we did a walk to an area I was sure to find a taxi. As we arrived two blocks from the house and at the beginning of our street there was a cab and we flagged him down and he stops. As I bent down to pick up my bag, I looked up to see a big westerner asking if he could share our cab, he figured from our bags that we were heading to the airport. I said of course, hop in. I tell the cab driver of our destination and the taxi share guy ask me of my destination. I told him where and why I was heading and he thought it was an amazing story, it turns out that he works with CNN and thinks this would make an interesting story. Little does he know this is not your average story to having a child or surrogacy for that matter, this is just one more footnote to an already page turner that is my story.

I arrive to the airport check-in and there is my dear friend and brther from another mother Stephen B., this person is much more than a foot note to this story and my life. Briefly, this person came into my life jogging past me one morning while I was teaching a class, a year later he is my business partner and a very dear friend that I am happy to call my brother. He also has a son named Abe that was born exactly one year ago this Sunday the 15th of May. Stephen also comes with a wonderful wife named Coria, that also means so much to me and my soon to be family. I have already spent hours dreaming of our familes spending a lot of time together and watching our children grow-up side by side.

Needless to say it was awesome to have my two very special people see me off at the airport, it was the last time they will see me without someone in my arms or by my side that will call me Dad. I get to the airport, and say good-bye to Thomas and to Stephen and make my way to the gate. This is where I started to think of my old life, as I walked to the gate I thought this is the last time I will walk to a gate in an airport alone without that person by my side calling me Dad.

I arrived late at night, checked into the hotel and fell asleep. Just as I was drifting off I began to think that this was also one of the last times I would go to sleep without having too much to worry about other then when I should get up to go to breakfast and the gym. That is when I started to think, I am going to need to wake up every few hours to attend to my child. MY CHILD, that will be something I will be thinking of every moment of my life in very short time. Feedings, nightmares, wet beds, bullies, quizes, dating, teens, the list is endless, but so are the joyful times.

Everyone has said how wonderful my life will be after I have a child, but everyone also adds to this statement that it is something I will never be prepared for and your life will forever be changed. So there it is, I am thinking of the good, the bad and the unexpected, but all I have to say is bring it on. Luckily I have wonderful people in my life like my boyfriend and my BFF Stephen B and his family that will help me out when I need it. My sister Kimberly is also an angel that will be coming to Hong Kong to help her little brother handle the first few months as a Daddy, my sister has had experience bringing four children into the world and also loving two gran children. I could not ask for a more loving bunch of people to make sure that I get this right.

I will be here in India until maybe mid-June, the baby is due on May 21st. I will continue to write more here on this blog, there is so much to say and so little time before it all changes now. Only two weeks to go until my life for the past 47 years will change for ever and for the good. Thanks again for all your support and your kind words, I hope for you all the joy in your life that I am experiencing right now.

Thomas see's me off at the airport, on my way to India.