Another Loss, Another setback

I don't know how to start this email except with the plain fact, the surrogate has had a miscarriage of the fetus at 16.5 weeks. I am devastated to say the least, sad to know that a life with fingers, toes, heart and fingerprints, is lost.

Today was the day the doctor was to do the amniosentesis, this was to tell me if the fetus had downs syndrome or other abnormalities. In two weeks I would know if there was a problem, then if there was I would have to make a decision. However after the sonogram there was no heartbeat to be found, then lots of bleeding and then the miscarriage. It is like the body has decided that the fetus was not healthy enough so it let it go, like it just was not meant to be. If I think this way it takes away a bit of the pain of the loss, because if there was something wrong with the fetus I would have had an awful time deciding to keep or to let the baby go. For me this might have been a blessing, I hate to think that but maybe it was for the best.

I don't know where to go from here, I do know that I will still have a child. However I am not sure if I will continue with the two frozen embryo's from the donor I used the first four attempts. I may use another egg donor, I will consider all my options. I am blessed with the gift of options, something I never imagined before. I am determined more then ever to become a father, it may take longer and be more painful then I every dreamed but I will not be deterred from my goal of having children.

So stay tuned and with your support and your love I will have the gift of life, and it will be perfect in its own time. Thank you all, I love you so very much.

Comments

[Kimon]

I am very glad to hear you're now more determined than ever - I can't wait to become Punkle XXX

[Ems]

I'm really sorry for your loss. :( But you're right, the only upside to it is that you didn't have to make an awful decision that you might have regretted later. Nature decided on its own, and I think that in itself is a sign that this just wasn't the right one or the right time. However, I am confident you will have a child soon, just keep trying, believing and finding strength in the people (and being!) around that love you and care for you.