Bleeding, lab tests and bed rest...

I haven't been posting anything here on my blog lately because I thought the bad news I received nearly three weeks ago would turn out to be just a minor set back, however the news just keeps getting worse for my unborn child of 14 weeks.

I will begin with the news from three weeks ago, I received an email from the Dr. in India stating that there seems to be some bleeding. An Ultrasound was made and it showed a healthy heart beat but a dark triangle which indicated some bleeding behind the Placenta was also in the picture, the course of action would be to do some tests and put the surrogate on bed rest and of course to stop the bleeding.

The surrogate went on bed rest, the bleeding was stopped and the tests were done. The next thing for me to do was to wait, I thought of posting the news on my blog but I thought that if I didn't talk about it or write it down it wouldn't actually be happening. Unfortunately it was all too real, the wait for the results again was interminable. It took nearly two weeks to get the results, there was mourning in Hyderabad over some official persons death and the lab was closed. I have a hard time with the waiting, it seems to be the most difficult thing for me to do these days. Especially when after the wait is over I get increasingly worse news, this time was no exception.

I received the lab results from the multiple tests done, the reason the tests were ordered to begin with was the bleeding. The bleeding behind the placenta usually signifies a problem or chromosomal abnormality in the fetus, the bodies sign that there is something wrong. 25-50% of the time this will in itself lead to a miscarriage. So with all that on my mind I eagerly read the lab results, it said and I am paraphrasing here. The nuchal translucency measurement was high, the HCG levels were high and the PAP A levels were also high, this all means that these markers (as they call them) all point to a positive for Down's Syndrome.

I can't tell you how I have dreaded these two horrible words, I thought of all the things that might have contributed to this factor. And in my case none of the reasons for this happening is consistent with this pregnancy. The egg donor is not old, the egg donor didn't smoke, the surrogate doesn't drink or smoke. The more I research this it comes clear to me that it just happens sometimes, but the odds are so big. Well I am getting ahead of myself, there are also a number of other things that can be going on too that will give a positive to this test.

The next step is to wait until the 14th week before they can do a more definitive test, an amniocentesis, this will be able to confirm if there is anything abnormal with the fetus including downs syndrome, turners syndrome or any number of other abnormalities.

What keeps going through my mind is, Why Me? I am sure other parents feel the same way. It just seems to me that everyone I know including my family is just popping out babies with no effort or problems. Why then is this such an ordeal for me and so painful and sad? I know I need to be strong and just wait, and I will of course what else is there. But I however just want to scream so loud, I know also that there are others that have gone through much worse for sure. This does not stop the feelings I am having, I wouldn't want anything like this to happen to anyone.

Moving forward I will not wait to update you on my blog, I find that it is important to let my friends and family  know what is happening as it is happening. If anything it's the support and well wishes I get from all of you that keeps me focused on the reason I am going through this to begin with, thank you again for all of your love and kind words. It's that kind of love that I want to pass on to a child.

Comments

[Sue Bee]

Praying that the amnio goes well. If the amnio indicates Down's Syndrome (or even if not), I encourage you to read Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck - if you haven't already read it. Great book.

http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Adam-Story-Rebirth-Everyday/dp/0425174484

[Mariana]

Dearest, I cannot tell you how many times I had these feelings of "why me", over and over for three years, through all the medical ordeal and endless tests and treatments and two miscarriages... and all around me it just seemed so natural and effortless for everyone else. It is just lonesome and horrible. But do know that you are not alone, that many of us have gone through that -- some have soldiered on, and some have just decided to focus their energy and resources on something else. I'm praying with all my might that this time it will work out. But if this is not the one, all I know is this: if you really want a child in your life, you WILL have one, one way or another. The options are many. So be strong through the wait and know many of us are here for you... Love, m

[kimmy]

I LOVE YOU

[Tammy McChesney]

So sorry to hear that Davide!! If it is any constellation, my boys had the high numbers and they turned out perfect! I know how nerve racking the wait is, but hang in there!! Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you...